Drinkers Say the Darndest Things
30 more bons mots to drop at parties
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So, we’re arming you with 30 more witticisms to wow a crowd and save you from those awkward silences. Try these as alternatives to cheesy, worn-out pick-up lines and turn stilted small talk into playful banter. Break out the bons mots with the bubbly and make that midnight moment a memorable one. And if none of these have the desired effect, you can at least toast to another year of good drinking!
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under my host."
– Dorothy Parker
"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?" — Gerald Ford
"When we drink, we get drunk;
When we get drunk, we fall asleep;
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin;
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven;
So let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!"
– Old Irish Toast
"Here’s to good friends, who know you well, and like you anyway!"
“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.” — P. J. O’Rourke
"Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully." — Graham Greene
“It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason.” — Latin proverb
“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.” — Winston Churchill
“I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.” — Joe E. Lewis
“The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” — William Butler Yeats
“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.” — Jimmy Breslin
“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.” — Mark Twain
"I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast." — W. C. Fields
"I only take a drink on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not." — Brendan Behan
"The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity." — Author unknown
"I’m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop." — Noel Coward
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." — W.C. Fields
"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." — F. Scott Fitzgerald
“If four or five guys tell you that you’re drunk, even though you know you haven’t had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while”. — Joseph Schenck
"No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink." — Lord Chesterton
"I drink only to make my friends seem interesting." — Don Marquis
"Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets." — From the movie "Arthur"
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." — Ernest Hemingway
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?" — Henny Youngman
"And God said, ‘Let there be vodka !’
And He saw that it was good.
Then God said, ‘Let there be light !’
And then He said, ‘Whoa — too much light’." — Author unknown
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes." — Author unknown
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise!" — Congressman Full Warren speaking about whiskey
"I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry."—Robert Benchley
“Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.” — Ben Jonson
"A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink." — W. C. Fields